things are going from bad to worse in my life. having a little grudge with my friend, and now, this "issue". i knew i brought it upon myself and i deserved this cruel side of life god has given me to experience. and its all due to my problematic attitude again and again. endless issues due to myself. and i feel so down and out. but, i'm trying hard to get out of these mess. i would take it a step by a step. slowly clearing those needless obstacles that's causing me to stumble.

shall type out what i wanna say from my heart. hopefully it will ease some tension among us.

To Jiewei:
sorry. i know that saying a million of sorry doesn't helps. but still, that's the only word i can say. i know you have endured my attitude from since year 1. and i can only be that grateful that you are patient. i will try hard not to go over your limit. but give me time. i promise. and sorry for that remark on my nick that day. too crude even for me to see.

its great to have you as a friend. being able to confess to you openly about stuffs is like taking alot of boulders from my heart. and it feels great. thanks.

To Weekeng:
i knew something was wrong when i saw your nick in msn. my gut feeling was that you were referring to me. and i was right.

i happened to hop to your livejournal blog. perhaps it was fate that wanted me to see it. and i saw your post. i'm abit surprised yet guilty. it was all a misunderstanding. my nick wasn't for you. i'm really sorry for mis-communication. maybe you are too sensitive. but i know all girls are sensitive beings. i'm really sorry for those posts with that needless emo phrases in reply to yours. i tried so hard to keep that feeling ever since we first knew each other. i know its a very long time to keep that feeling. probably like 2 years? and i was really heartbroken when you said we couldn't be together. i remembered telling myself being so silly to play around with love and relationships. its like bringing me to somewhere beautiful and the next moment hell engulfs in me.

i kept that feeling in hope that i can still remember those happy moments when we knew each other. like when i first met you in person at the bus-stop outside school. i called out your name and you scolded me. and i was laughing about how shy your reaction was. but now, i feel as though it will be tough for us. when i am ready to open up, you back down and be cautious. vice versa. there was never a chance for both of us to really communicate what our feelings to each other were.

still, i'm guilty for making you become like this. i'm sorry for the misunderstanding. i hope you will read this and think about what i've said. i can only say so much, the rest is up to you to decide.


i'm feeling so god damn sad now. i almost wanting to breakdown. i'm so depressed about all this. so guilty. perhaps crying out will calm me down to sleep. yes, i'm still a crybaby. eversince young. but i'm still going strong, as long as i still believe in myself.

sorry, my friends.